Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Fanny Packs Uncool? Who Cares!

Until very recently, I had gotten in the habit of wearing a very nice Jansport fanny pack everywhere I went. Eventually, that product wore out, and I still haven't replaced it, but despite derogatory comments I heard while staying at the homeless shelter (in relation to my disagreement with other people's pronouncements about what ostensibly was and was not cool), I plan to get another such unit as soon as I am able to do so.  One might say I'm an unrepentant fanny packer.

The guy who informed me that fanny packs were uncool explained that fanny packs changed one's profile and created an unsightly bulge which women found to be unattractive. He didn't seem to have an issue with guys who wore book bags, however, which I found to be a bit strange, inasmuch as a typical book bag bulges a lot more than a typical fanny pack. What's the standard? Little bulge bad, big bulge good? I confess, I don't see the "logic" there.

By the way, I've always worn my fanny packs off to one side, not so that the things bulge out straight from the back or the front. I agree, that looks bad. It looks like one is one of those women who need to exercise in order to get rid of their big butts. But it is possible to wear a fanny pack so that it looks fairly decent.

Anyway, I didn't wear fanny packs for reasons having anything to do with fashion. It was all about function. Basically, I have long been in the habit of being well prepared wherever I go, so that I always have multiple pens (in case one runs out of ink, which they annoyingly tend to do at the worst possible moments) and 3x5 index cards on which I can record any interesting or useful information. (Those little plastic boxes with snaps on them are great for that purpose, and one can stick two or three of those boxes in a sufficiently large fanny pack.)

Sure, I love using my laptop computer for that purpose, but hauling it out just to make a brief note can sometimes be a pain in the behind.

I find it amusing that people who are utterly lacking in taboos regarding morals manage to find other taboos with which to replace the ones pertaining to matters which, unlike fashion, actually matter.

By the way, if one really wants to look gay, then one should eschew back pockets (which are often missing from women's slacks) and wallets carried in those pockets. And if one wants to issue an open invitation to all the local pickpockets, one couldn't do so more effectively than to wear one's wallets in the traditional location in the back pocket.A fanny pack makes things a lot harder for pickpockets, even in a crime-ridden inner city while traveling on crowded buses and trains. Also, if you're in a dark movie theater, it's a lot less likely that your wallet will slip out of your back pocket and get lost in the theater on the floor if you put it in a fanny pack.

If I had my way, I'd be bulging all over. Not only a fanny pack, but also extra (preferably zippered) pockets on cargo pants. Pens, cell phones, eReaders, wallets, combs, index cards, GPS units and more cry out for places to put them.

If a woman is so stupid that she would reject me as a potential mate just because I wear fanny packs, then who needs her? At this point in my life, I am very unlikely to make a romantic connection with a woman, with or without a fanny pack, so it really doesn't make much difference in my opinion. I'd rather be known for my talents and good ideas and visionary projects than for my great choices regarding fashion.

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